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Jun. 10th, 2010 | 12:30 am

I wish I didn't think so much.
I wish my brain had an off switch and I could just relax for a little while.
I can't even sleep in peace, my brain is too damn active.
I always wake up in a cold sweat and distressed.
I just wish I had control over this.

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Summer Goals

May. 30th, 2010 | 09:54 am

  • Do at least 100 crunches a day and 25 push ups a day
  • Keep my room clean
  • Take more polariods to hang on my wall
  • Buy more cute dresses
  • Go to Colorado with my baby! :] (we’re both keeping our fingers crossed)
  • Spend more time with my little cousin
  • TAN
  • Hang out more with Joan & Ezra
  • Make shirts with Dylan!
  • See Kevin Devine front row again!
  • Find a leaf ring
  • Not get dehydrated so often
  • Have a really good birthday

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Apr. 11th, 2010 | 10:56 pm

I'm happy :]

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(no subject)

Apr. 7th, 2010 | 12:05 am

You have no idea how hard this is for me.
No idea at all.

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(no subject)

Apr. 6th, 2010 | 01:05 am

Seriously, why is it so hard for me to fall out of love with you?

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I Would Rather

Apr. 2nd, 2010 | 05:45 pm

not be like this.
And not think as much, or worry so much, or eat as much, or sleep as much, or miss you as much, or hate myself so much, or get sad so much. 
I would just rather be nothing like this at all.
I would rather be more educated, pretty, outgoing, talented, less emotional, anything.
I fucking suck.

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(no subject)

Mar. 30th, 2010 | 09:23 pm

I know I don't mean a thing.

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Yet Again, Dad.

Mar. 29th, 2010 | 08:04 pm

Text message from my father: "I am sorry, but I literally do not have any free time at home this week unless something changes.  I am not home even a full 3 days and everything fell on me at once.  It pisses me off too, because when I do have free time, then you have things to do.  i wish I saw you every day.  It frustrates me and makes me bitter at times.  I ask you countless times to spend time with me, but it is a busy time in your life and you've always got plans.  Just today I was checking the internet to see when we might go to Vegas to see the Beatles' "Love".  I am sorry, but I am frustrated.  If you lived in another town, I couldn't see you any less than I do now - it's a meal here and and the store there and that's it.  That's why I moved."

Really dad?  You're going to try to put the blame on me?  I've explained this to you so many times before, you chose your career a long time ago over me, and now you expect me to make time for you?  It's just ridiculous.  You make me feel like absolute shit, like I'm never good enough because I don't live up to your standards.  I'm sorry I have different opinions than you and will speak my mind but you shouldn't let that ruin our already deteriorating relationship.  You seriously can't try to put all the blame on me for this.  You're the parent, you're the one who should be acting mature about this not me.  You know I feel bad about all the car accidents, stop giving me shit.  I told you I used to cry every day when I was little asking why you weren't home with me and you laughed.  This is all just bullshit.  I'm tired of you making me feel bad when I already feel bad enough.  I don't even care that you have a brain tumor in the back of your head right now.  I love you, but you can't expect me to be okay with all the things you're saying to me.  You've had your whole life, your whole world, handed to you.  And you still act this arrogant.  Because it's impossible for Ronnie Huckaby to do anything wrong.  You can date all the girls you want of all different ages and not get shit for it, but for feel like a king.  You can tash your appartment and just have your Black maid clean it up for you because why would it be your job to clean up your own mess?  Shit, you hardly even raised me.  All you taught me in my childhood is that you're a selfish, childish, manwhore of a father who doesn't truly appreciate anyone.   

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It Isn't Easy.

Mar. 23rd, 2010 | 09:32 pm

It wasn't easy for me to break up with you yesterday, and it wasn't easy for me to learn what I did today. 
It wasn't easy to hear the words come from your mouth and it was hard to hear the words come out of mine.
But it's all over now.
And it's one of the most painful things I've ever gone through.

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(no subject)

Mar. 22nd, 2010 | 01:32 am

I really hate crying myself to sleep like this.
I'm terrified right now.

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com

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